i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's the barista slut.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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