Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
