Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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