I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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