1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
