dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
