everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
