i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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