I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
