ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
