I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
