hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
