It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
