he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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