I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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