if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
