Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
