I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
