I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
