I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
