I think my fart just growled at me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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