Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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