remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
