Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
