No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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