There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
