It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
