the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
