I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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