you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Couch. On fire.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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