She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
