so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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