Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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