If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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