I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
