wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
