The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
