My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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