I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Blood and glitter go together right?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
