Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
