i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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