....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
