In the future we'll all be gay
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
