Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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