My sheets look like a crime scene.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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