You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
