he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
