She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
