I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
