I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
