Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
