white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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