I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
