He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
