I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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