my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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